Hello. How are you?
Reaching out for help is often the scariest bit. Whether you feel stuck, struggling with the every day, overthinking everything, ruled by perfectionism, using unhealthy coping strategies, relationships not feeling good..therapy can help.
How does therapy work?
Therapy can be hugely life-changing and massively helpful in overcoming psychological pain and finding ways to live life with more ease and contentment. Its effectiveness is not down to chance or magic, but rather a few not-so-well-known reasons outlined with as little jargon as possible right here…
The Unconscious to Conscious
Whether our struggle presents as anxiety, phobia, depression or a full breakdown it can be partly that we’re not fully aware of the impact of the tough experiences we’ve been through. At times in life we deal with things that are so painful or overwhelming that our minds literally push them into the background, hoping they’ll never be seen again. We might not notice how we push people away when they get too close, or understand why we panic in certain situations. These old feelings influence us without us even realizing it; we don’t know what’s really causing the distress. Therapy helps us uncover and understand these hidden emotions in a safe space where we can say what’s on our minds without fear of judgment. Things we didn’t even know were affecting us start to surface and by bringing these hidden emotions into the light, therapy helps us process and heal, rather than letting past experiences quietly control our lives.
Decoding Emotional Projection
Emotional Projection or ‘Transference’ (just a fancy way of saying it) is a crucial part of the therapeutic process. As therapy progresses, people often start treating their therapist in ways that reflect their past relationships, especially the tough or painful ones. For example, someone who grew up with a super-critical parent might feel like their therapist secretly finds them annoying or unworthy. Or someone who had to keep a depressed parent happy as a kid might instinctively joke around and lighten the mood whenever things get too emotional. The thing is, we do this kind of thing all the time in daily life, but outside therapy, no one points it out, so we just keep repeating the same patterns without realizing it. Therapy, though, gives us a chance to actually notice what’s happening. Over time, this helps people recognize how their past is shaping their interactions and learn healthier, more positive ways of connecting with others.
Healthy Relationship Blueprint
A lot of us carry deep wounds from past relationships that didn’t give us what we needed. When we were young and vulnerable, we might not have had people who were truly reliable, who listened, set healthy boundaries, and made us feel worthy and valued. But when therapy works, the therapist can become the first genuinely supportive and dependable person we’ve ever had. In their presence, we get a second chance to work through old wounds. We can express our needs, feel intense anger, or even completely break down and instead of rejecting or punishing us, they hold space for it. Over time, this helps to heal years of buried pain. That one healthy relationship becomes a blueprint for how we interact with others. The therapist’s calm, reasonable, and kind approach starts to shape our inner voice. And slowly, through repeated exposure to sanity and kindness, we begin to heal and have a health relationship with ourselves.
A bit about the process
Space to talk, explore and reflect
Exploring current and past problems helps to uncover feelings, thoughts and behaviours as well as defences and beliefs that shape the way you live life. Therapy helps you to gain a better understanding of you and builds the resource you need to development different ways of being for a happier time and better relationships.
Relationship at heart
Modern Day psychotherapy is relational which means that the relationship between client and therapist is key to the work. Feeling comfortable to bring yourself is so important and it can take time. For me, offering the client a safe, non-judgemental, compassionate space is vital - absolute unconditional positive regard.
Therapy doesn’t = advice
Good therapy is about helping you to get to a place that feels authentically you. A place where you feel confident to make your own decisions, to make more positive life choices and to have better relationships with others. The goal is not for you to be in therapy for years, but for you to become your own therapist.
Collaboration between client and therapist
Therapists have (or at least should have!) gone through years of training and spent countless hours working with clients, but ultimately working together as two human beings in a respectful, collaborative way with a strong therapeutic alliance, has been proven to be hugely effective in bringing about therapeutic change.
Working through the discomfort
If you’ve never had therapy before, it can feel quite daunting. To sit in a room and talk about things you may never have spoken about before can feel challenging and it’s important to go at your own pace. Whilst looking at some of the difficult stuff can feel unsettling, ultimately it can help you to process and manage things better going forward
Therapists don’t bring their stuff
It might seem odd that a therapist doesn’t mention anything about themselves (the therapy is about you!). The less you know about your therapist, the more you may assume which can be quite a useful tool in the therapy in that it can reveal a lot about the way you view the world and how that contributes to any difficulties you face.